So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
