Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
