My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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