Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
