She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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