This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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