don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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