Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
