if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
