on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
