that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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