Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
