were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
