The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
