Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
