I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
