FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
