I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
