So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
