Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
