Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize