the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
