where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
