Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
