GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
