she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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