finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
