Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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