I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
