I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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