You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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