how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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