her vagine was all disorganized.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
