I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize