I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
