so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
