i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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