he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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