How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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