He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
