Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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