I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
