The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
