help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she peed on how many people?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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