How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
