I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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