So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
