How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
