those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
