I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
