You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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