I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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