But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize