He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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