do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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