I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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