I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
