Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize