I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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