All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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