i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
