hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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