do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
