i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
