You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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