I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
