I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
