so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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