Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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