The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
