I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pants are for mortals
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
