Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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