i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
