Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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