I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need water and some morals
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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