May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ok first of all what the fuck
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
