I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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