Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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