SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize