I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am available for nakedness
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize