from now on my penis is your penis
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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