Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
