we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
