he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize