woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
