we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
