May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
