At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
