Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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