Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize