If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
