I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
