Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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