yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
