it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
