Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize