How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
