pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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