We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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