There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
